Billy Bear ham.

About 'Billy 'Bear'Edit

As a young boy, Billy Fox was an average and fun-loving little thing. He grew up without a Father, but his Mother always used to say to the teachers and other Mums at his school that Billy's father was an 'inadequate mess' amongst other colorful language. Billy first started showing signs of being 'weird' at age 10. His most famous incident involved Tabby Smith and a slice of 'Billy Bear ham'. Billy Bear ham is reformed meat, shaped like a bear's face. Cute, right?
Not quite. That day in particular, Billy took the slice, cut out the eyes and slapped the meat to his face. He then waited in a cupboard for Tabby to walk past, jumped out and chased her around screaming I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO TABBY BEAR MEAT!!

Tabby never got over the incident and after being excluded indefinitely, Billy's life went downhill further. His Mother was too lazy and gave up quickly looking for a new school for Billy to join. She turned to drugs and Billy was left on the streets. He found an unusual way to stay alive.
Billy started killing homeless people; nobodies in his eyes. He even killed a few prostitutes too, eating their dead bodies for weeks. He did this for a long eight years, until the ripe age of 19.

Soon after the Police caught wind (yes, it took them eight years almost), Billy had to get more smart if he was going to live and not starve to death. He robbed the homeless of their clothing in the winter which helped him keep warm, and carried on eating their bodies... However the method got more and more sinister. A couple of years later, Billy was around the age of 21. A newly produced version of the ham Billy so-loved when he was young had been released, healthier than the last. Billy had the perfect idea.

He tracked down his Mother, and made her his first victim in his new evil plan. Billy then cleaned himself up, and all the people he had robbed and killed had given him a large amount of money. Billy purchased a large amount of the ham, mixing it with human flesh and bone chips to make his very own recipe. It looked and tasted exactly the same as the original, disturbingly. Soon after, he opened a shop which specialized in the 'tastiest ham you have ever eaten or your money back!'
Billy had people in the palm of his hand.

Hundreds of people visited the shop weekly to buy Billy's special 'Billy bear' ham. Various younger children came into the shop with their parents asking them to buy as much of the ham as they could. People were addicted. Teenagers would come in after school, buying the ham while also referring to it as 'Billy bre' (Some new teenage slang).
After selling thousands of slices of the ham, and making hundreds of thousands of pounds from his corrupt operation, Billy moved on.

One day he simply shut the shop, with a large selection of the ham still on show, this time unmixed. Bits of bone and gums were visible within the ham once the Police entered and took photos. People quickly found out, and a massive manhunt for Billy was released. It was too late.

Billy's last plan involved Tabby. In Billy's eyes, Tabby ruined his life. Tabby now worked and lived alone, so she was an easy target. Billy prepared his outfit; made entirely of his own ham, mixed with his semen, blood, spit, snot, toenail clippings, poo, and stomach acid. The 'armor' smelt horrible once found by Police. Finally, Billy slapped an infamous slice over his face and drilled it to his skin. The blood dribbled down his fat face towards his neck, and looked like lines of lipstick had been painted on his face.
He found Tabby's flat, and broke in during the night. Billy was intentionally loud, waking Tabby up in a few seconds. She instantly knew it was Billy, just by the smell and his stance. Billy charged at Tabby with his chubby arms flailing, making a fucked up noise (as told by Tabby's neighbor at a later date) before chopping her to 666 pieces and cooking a special recipe of ham up in her own kitchen. He even butchered Tabby's pet hamster and added that also.

Billy knew this was the end. He jetted back to his shop, and opened it at 9am the next day. As well as the manhunt for him, Police were now after Billy for the murder of Tabby Smith. He willingly stayed in the shop, advertising 'free Billy Bear ham - closing down sale!' and various unknowing shoppers came in and snatched all the ham up. The same ham contained bits of Billy's legs, Tabby's mushed up body, and her hamster. As the Police arrived with semi automatic weapons, Billy raised his hands as if to say Don't shoot.

An officer Jacobs was first into the shop, and instructed Billy to come closer to be cuffed. Billy told Jacobs he had one last surprise for everyone, and then simply 'exploded'. Ham, and parts of Billy flew everywhere, with stringy intestines flying all over Jacobs and his men. It was a bloody mess!

During the aftermath, everything had been destroyed, except the front shelf of Billy Bear ham in Billy's shop (pictured). This photo is famous, not because of the incidents that occurred at Billy's hands but also it was the only 'normal' ham in Billy's shop that day.

Eat if you dare, people!