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Dirty Bertie.

About 'Dirty Bertie'Edit

Smelly, mossy and with sopped shitted toilet roll and bloody tampons stuck to him, Dirty Bertie appeared from The Sewers last weekend, repulsive and horny looking for fresh meat to pummel.

After a BnK Germ-Remover.5000 shower, Dirty Bertie looked less monstrous and more - perverted. He is fully naked and explains that, I am allergic to any form of clothing. If you put it on me, I'll go fucking mental. However, on Bertie's back is a skin-pouch much like a Kangaroos. He stores only one item in this: a razor, so he can shave love hearts into his abdomen. One faces upward and the other, below the top heart is facing downwards. He has long flowing hair which previously contained every form of Sewer grit within it, including 8 tampons, poo-bugs and a thick gunge-like substance (examined and confirmed as Gruejor semen) yet after the .5000 shower, Dirty Bertie had a glorious head of hair that shone in the lighting.

So, why is Bertie named Dirty Bertie? We asked him and to follow up is this basic interview:

(Dirty Bertie's voice is very nasally, as if a mass of snot is wedged in his throat. He sounds much younger than he actually is and the snotted-throat courses through his words, causing him to 'hork' occasionally. He also adds a 'H' after words with an 'S' in it, a speech impediment he has had from birth)

My namesh Dirtie Bertie. I like kidsh and that'sh my problem. I have shpent 12 yearsh in a Prishon for moleshting and raping children. I'm not happy about what I did, but I cant help it? I guessh shome people are born with shomething that'sh unique to them. Like, a gift, or a talent. I, unfortunately wash born with the need to rape and punish kidsh. I know people reading thish will shay, Thish guysh a maniac! He deshervesh to die! but pleashe, it'sh nothing more than a fetish. I can't help it...

At The Mansion of Delights, we have heard this story a million times now. With such members as Walton and Nigel taking over the department, we thought adding Dirty Bertie to the team would be beneficial for - somebody? Somehow. Although, Bertie says, I don't want to make any friendsh here. If you have any children though, I'll play with them if that'sh okay? We took his answer as respectful, respectfully.

Hospital Ward #2 Children's Department

Little Rupert Martin has been suffering from a dark and horrible disease called Lupticius Cranium-Rot. At the age of 6, Rupert won't be lasting another 7 days...Though, it is unknown to tell -

-until now.

Dirty Bertie broke into the Hospital Ward #2 this morning, leaving little Rupert's sore and fragile body strewn across the room like a discarded pair of pajama bottoms. The body was found half-on-half-off the bed that he had been lay in for 2 years. The leg of Rupert was wedged between the metal frame of the bed, his other leg was flung into the air revealing 'everything'. The privates look red raw and extremely sore...The top half of Rupert's body slumped down onto the floor, his face was lay calmly in a pool of Dirty Bertie's semen, after a prolonged jerking-off episode onto Rupert's dead face. There was hand prints marked on Rupert's young body, around the ribs mainly and several slapped spank-hand marks on his bum.

We asked Dirty Bertie why. Just, why he would do this so quickly. In a flood of tears and pure pain, he answered:

I'm sho shorry. I'm sho, sho shorry. I couldn't shtop myshelf. I can't shtop crying. The crying won't shtop. Tomorrow, I'll do it again. I don't know why, I jusht can't tell you why - but watch out. I'm unshtoppable. I'm coming for little Harry Lewish. Jusht a warning to you all...

He left the room crying profusely, wiping his tears with his hands and smudging it onto the hairy love hearts on his chest. Just what possesses these people to commit such an act? I guess The Mansion will one day discover why, but until that day comes we say rest in peace to Rupert, and many, many more to come.