The toilet

''That fucking smelly little prankster! He got me AGAIN with his fucking little ulcer-ridden tongue!'' 

-Pissed-off Pete (and he's actually pissed off for a very good reason this time, believe us).

It was just before noon, on Friday afternoon. Pissed-off Pete was about to clock out after his early shift working at the BNK Bank. He works 6am-12pm. A tactic used by Pete on Fridays to get off early is a fine one indeed. As the next worker starts at 11:50am, Pete slinks off just before then and heads to the toilets. This way, he gets out of working another 10 minutes, gets paid to poo, and the other worker is completely oblivious to that fact that Pete exists as he has never seen Pete with his own eyes!

Pete ran into the nearest cubicle (which is actually the worst conditioned one - call it desperation!) and threw down his wet-look navy smart trousers towards the ground. He then tutted as he realised there was some form of wet on the floor; possibly urine or maybe even sperm. Who knows, especially at a place like The Mansion of Delights. Pete let out his pre-poo wee-wee. It satisfied him, quite visibly by his face. This was possibly Pete's most peaceful moment of the day, and dare we say the only time he's not actually pissed off.

Next came his actual poo. After a few minor pushes, the satisfying splash of the water filled his face with relief. He sat there for a few seconds... And then it happened. As we have no CCTV in these toilets, we had to listen to Pete's anger-fuelled rant on what actually happened. We didn't document it, due to all the swearing - but here's the basics:

After letting out his load, Pete sat still for a few seconds - enjoying what he thought to be a minute or two of peace and quiet. However, this was interrupted by a slimy, wet and horrific-smelling 'something' in the toilet bowl. It turns out it was Hugh! Hugh had innocently licked Pete's bum hole clean, eliminating the need for wiping. Pete didn't see it this way. According to Hugh, he sipped and slurped at Pete's (hairy and tight) bum hole for a few seconds, removing some stuck corn and other particles with his super-tongue before floating back down the toilet and into his home - the pipes of delights.

Pete has never been so angry! The following image has been posted around the Mansion on walls, to mock Pete, thus pissing him off even more. It is thought Eugene is responsible for starting the ruination of Pete.

*We would like to take this opportunity to warn the residents, workers, and visitors of the Mansion of Delights - Hugh may or may not lick your bottom after you visit one of our many toilets. Do not be alarmed! He is only trying to help, and it is completely safe and germ-free. Thank you.