Victor James

Victor has established quite a name for himself lately at The Mansion of Delights. Our new application process states that now, legally, we have to take anyone on with criminal records (severe rating or higher) and try to 'teach' them the error of their ways. Victor surprised us, because unlike most people (or, things) here at the Mansion he is relatively 'normal'

Or so we thought...

During Victor's arrival at the Mansion, he raised a few eyebrows to say the least. Mike eyed up the 6 foot 10, 580-pound man as he awkwardly waddled through our front doors. Nobody had really seen anything quite so big, especially in human form! Victor was surprisingly quite casual at the reception desk, and even being flanked by Mike, Mikelle, Mad Axe Max (Who looked slightly out of place) and two baby Gruejor's - he didn't even flinch or lose his smile once. This disturbed Richelle a tiny bit, but she was just glad there was no trouble for once.

''Name?'' Richelle kindly asked the behemoth. ''Victor James, madam'' he replied in a very gravelly voice.

As you can tell, manners aren't usually used at this point. Normally, Mansion visitors (and the ones that have to stay forever, too) will get fidgety, and/or angry at the fact they have seemingly been 'banished' to our Mansion. However, most of them do enjoy their time here shortly after - IF they behave themselves. Victor soon completed his visitors form and his details were typed into the bnKommunication system. Once asked if he had any criminal records, he gave out a sarcastic laugh;

''Heh, well here's the thing'' he said.

''I was... happy in life. You know? Like, really happy. Even given this obesity and gigantism condition I have, I was genuinely happy. I worked full time in a McDonalds near my home in Palm Springs. I mean sure, it was hot as hell there a lot of the time, but I enjoyed living there.'' -''I hate the cold!'' he added, laughing as he said it. Richelle and a couple of others smiled at this statement.

''Anyway... My landlord, he decides he wants to milk me for more money you know? So he increases my monthly bills almost doubling them in the process... I tell him, I can't pay these, man! I work at McDonalds, you know? I could afford to live before all that, but darker days came after he increased my bills'' Victor told us.

''So... I had to make more money, obviously, right? And to do that, I kinda opened my own grill, I mean, it was nothin' serious. Just eight pm until midnight every Friday and Saturday. I sold people burgers and kebabs after they had finished partying the night away'' He continued.

''All was pretty good. I was making money at my job, but also selling these delicious burgers on the side for some small profit, while still being able to pay all my bills'' Victor rambled.

''Until finally, the supplier, h-he just stopped coming. I mean, I was relying on this guy to help pay my now-extortionate b-bills'' (Victor was now salivating a bit, most noticeably to Richelle as she got a face-full of the stuff). ''That FUCKING guy!'' Victor shouted, his voice making a few onlookers jump as he used the swear word. ''HE is the reason I'm here! He took away my business!'' ''So what did I do? h-heh, I killed him once I tracked him down. I used his farm for all its meat and then I chopped his body up, and I used that for meat, too!'' Victor described.

At this point, Richelle's awkward smile now turned into a frown - She knew he was being 'too' nice at the beginning. After he told us of this, Victor was dragged away slowly and locked in cell #90. This is a specially-made cell for 'bigger' creatures, though it wasn't in use as Wype escaped it long ago.

After his first 24 hours at the Mansion, Cronus came to visit Victor in his cell. ''Hey, buddy'' Cronus said. ''Hi there, you're the boss of this p-place aren't you?'' Victor replied. ''I am indeed. Listen, uh, Victor. I don't blame you for what you did out there, I really don't'' Cronus added, as if he was pleading with the man.

''It's messed up, sure! But, I get why you did it. To pay the bills. We've all kinda been there I guess. Anyway - listen, the reason I'm here isn't to lecture you, or to even bring you bad news. I just wanna say that this cell won't be permanent. You clearly have a passion for cooking and selling delicious hamburgers, Victor, so I can offer you a job at our Mansion canteen. Would you like it?''

Victor looked at the floor for a few seconds, and then looked Cronus directly in the eyes.

''I'd love to!'' he replied. Cronus walked away, and shortly, Victor was working in the canteen.

A few weeks went by, and everything was normal. People were even complimenting Victor on his cooking skills, and also the cheeseburgers that he made;

''This is seriously one of the best burgers I've ever tasted!'' - Richelle Founders.

''Man, I do love a good burger. And this is a damn good burg-oh shit hold up I just dropped my mop there'' - Barry Slaverina.

''Yeah, it's alright, I guess. Not bad. But, I wish that fucking idiot would stop staring at me every time he walks past me in the corridor!!!'' - Pissed-Off Pete.

One day however, there was a problem. One of our room cleaners for the Mansion guests went missing. As did Victor.

Both Mansion CEOs went on a search for both Victor and the missing cleaner. They searched high and low, but couldn't find anything - not even a clue to their whereabouts. Until they smelt it. A delicious burger, cooking seemingly underneath them. Victor was in the sewers.

As they got down into the sewers, both CEOs equipped their handguns, and went looking for Victor. He was surely down here - trails of dead rats, half-eaten, as well as real food was everywhere. Had Victor been secretly coming down here for a while, now? They hit a junction in the sewer, and went right, following their noses to the delicious smell. That lead them right to Victor. They discovered the following. Victor, stood in his chef gear cooking on a barbecue. The barbecue itself wasn't made from metal, however. It looked like BONE. As they got closer, they saw various human bones made this barbecue stand quite tall, and next to it was a pile of discarded skin and lots of hair. Victor was startled as they got close, but acted like everything was normal. He offered them a burger, but as he turned to face them, he kicked a portion of the skin pile. A visible face was kicked across the sewer flooring, and both CEOs reached for their weapons. Victor looked angry and started tearing into the burgers himself, while saying ''F-fuck it! I'm fat anyway, right?''

This was definitely the missing worker, and Victor clearly had other dead bodies down here. How long had he been carrying this out under our noses for?

The CEOs took matters into their own hands. They both shot Victor repeatedly in the chest area - several bullets simply bounced off his layers of fat at first and pinged to the floor. Victor was enraged and tried to make a last stand, but it was too late. This leads us to issue the following statement;

If you are offered any meat at the Mansion, do not accept it. We are completely getting rid of all meat products, until new stock arrives, just in case. Thank you for understanding.