With hands as soft as angel delight, Whacky massages his hands together using a hand protecting balm he claims costs £120 a pop. The stuff must work, everybody that has met Whacky says his handshake was femininely manly however that may work. It's moments after they discover he's a chronic masturbator that they wash their hands and never speak to the guy again, but he isn't a bad guy - he just wanks a lot.

Whacky met his ex-partner and wife-to-be back in 2003. She was recovered by Whacky after she lived through a three year relationship with a violent and abusive man. She was saved by the police one morning after a break in at their home, he had been wanted for numerous crimes such as theft, and refusal to turn up to a court date but served more time for the abuse and pain caused to his partner. Many years later, he was released from prison and had contacts to find out his ex partners whereabouts. He found out she was engaged to Whacky and they were 2 days away from their wedding day. He gave her a call on her mobile phone. He said, "Leave that bastard, or I'll kill you." Of course, on the day of the wedding she left Whacky right there at the altar....

At the Mansion, Whacky tells us what happened.

"When I saw her walk away from me, I had a kind of, 'explosion' of all my emotions. I don't know -- but, right there, in front of my family, and her family, and even the kids that came, I had the urge to masturbate. I wanted my dick out and I wanted to cum - that's all I know. It was a natural thing that came to me as I watched her walk away though I was crying, and my heart was broken." He mentioned looking at his family and friends when ejaculating, after that, he pulled his trousers up and walked to his car.

In the front seat, his hand began to ache. It was agony and felt like a burning sensation between his fingers. Whacky positions the mirror and looks at himself in the reflection. His eyes are bulging, his hand is grasping the gearstick intently. He huffs and breaks the stare by yanking his trousers down, he pulls his penis out and jerks off harshly, rocking the car back and forth. His family leaving the wedding were stood watching in horror, others were darting aside and away as if it wasn't happening...

5 years later, Whacky sits alone in his own specialised room where he can wank forever. As nice as a gent he is, if he isn't wanking he's eating breakfast. Other than the morning we don't really see much of Whacky, but members on his floor have reported screaming orgasms and late night huffing and puffing for hours on end.

We welcome Whacky with a hug - not a handshake, nonetheless, we hope he enjoys his stay where the world will no longer ridicule him for his thirst to choke the bishop.